School stress is at the top of the mind of most parents. It starts when our kids first go into elementary school, where the stress may be social or adapting to being in a multi-child environment. Then the teen years come, and social identity, personal identity, and peer pressure meld together in a school environment. On top of all this, the pressures to get good grades to get into college come into play in the later high school years.
As parents, we are often either at one end of the spectrum where we push our kids hard to excel in activities and school, or at the other end of the spectrum where we worry about putting too much on their plate. We want to show our care and love through our parenting, and one of the best ways is to help our children thrive in school.
I was raised with my parents pushing me hard, and like most in this group, swing to the other side and try to not push our kids too hard at all.
Some of my children’s friends stress about getting good grades at an early age. We had one friend actually worried about learning and doing well on her report card in kindergarten!. On entering high school, one of my son’s best friends spent so much time studying we hardly ever saw him outside on the skateboard or scooter anymore. Another had a terribly mean science teacher in eighth grade, and the kid got an A but literally was studying twenty hours a week for just science.
Signs, Symptoms, and Causes of School Stress
School stress can come down to:
- trying to get great grades in all subjects
- adapting to new environments: multiple teachers instead of one in high school, changes to a more sedentary day compared to preschool
- exam stress: both performance anxiety and time to study for multiple exams
- changing relationships with friends and friend groups
- washroom anxiety!
- scheduled lunch times shared with peers, especially for those with any eating disorders
- being labelled as a trouble-maker or bully
- being bullied
- homework
- trying to make sports teams
As you can see, multiple reasons why school can contribute to perceived stress in kids!
It’s important to understand that your child may not always express or verbalize their school stress. Some signs to look out for include physical complaints like headaches and stomach aches, reluctance or avoidance of school, difficulty sleeping or concentrating, mood swings, irritability, anxiety, and loss of interest, motivation, or confidence. Being aware of these signs can help you support your child’s mental health and well-being.
The Dopamine Factor
Our children have grown up in an age of constant connectivity and instant gratification, where social media and video games have become ubiquitous parts of daily life. This widespread use of technology has led to changes in their neurochemistry, specifically related to dopamine, which may make them more susceptible to school stress and poor expectations.
Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that is associated with pleasure, motivation, and reward. It is released in response to positive stimuli, such as social interaction, achievement, and the consumption of food. Social media and video games are designed to be highly stimulating, providing instant feedback and rewards, which can result in the release of dopamine in the brain. This constant stimulation can alter the brain’s chemistry and make youth more reliant on these experiences to feel pleasure. In fact, there is a good chance your child already has heard of “dopamine fasting” – going without technology for a period of time to reset things. Whether or not they are willing to do that is another question.
This instant gratification provided by social media and video games is not the same as the delayed gratification required to succeed in school. Success in academics often requires sustained effort over long periods, with the payoff coming at the end of a semester or school year. This delayed gratification is not as immediately satisfying as the instant rewards provided by technology. As a result, youth who are used to the instant gratification provided by social media and video games may struggle with the long-term effort required to succeed in school.
Offsetting the video game dopamine effect to help in school
Even in elementary school with my kids, there were multiple presentations from the parent teacher association as well as from the school district itself focused on healthy use of “screen time”. As my kids transitioned to high school, each PAC meeting had time focused on the dangers that can lurk in the dark corners of social media.
From a school stress perspective, the basics we all did for our younger children in recommending and enforcing reasonable amounts of screen time apply, but we also need to consider that a lot of socialization is done online now also. Our kids have multiple discord servers they use to speak with each other. Our kids cellphone statements rarely have any telephone minutes, but we’d better hope we have a good data plan.
Setting limits on screen time, encouraging physical activity and outdoor play, and promoting positive social interactions can help youth develop healthy habits and reduce their reliance on technology for pleasure and reward. Teaching youth about the benefits of delayed gratification and the importance of sustained effort can also help them develop the skills needed to succeed in school and in life.
Excessive screen time can result in fatigue, lack of focus, and sleep deprivation, which can cause a range of physical and mental health issues. These issues can make it difficult for youth to engage in school work and contribute to increased levels of school stress.
Tests and Exams
Tests and exams typically are a source of stress for most kids. As we all know though, some kids just tend to have higher expectations for themselves and even without outside pressure, may internally set the bar very high.
There can be fear of failure, poor grades, or even not getting that crucial “A” to make the parents happy (even if the parents would be ok with just the effort). A child might have an outsized stress response if they are not able to prepare appropriately, or not have the appropriate preparation and study skills.
There may be pressure from teachers and even peers, or the child might be more of a more competitive nature.
How to Reduce Stress from Tests and Exams
We can help our kids by taking the time and effort to pass on the common sense that we know will help with studying. This can include:
- studying in much shorter periods daily, instead of extended times just the day before. 15 min each day to review beats 2 hours the night before
- flashcards, with electronic apps or even the good old fashioned hand written way
- eliminating distractions for those 15 min – teaching the importance of not multi-tasking
- encouraging the child discussing with the teacher about extra help, suggestions. If nothing else, speaking with the teacher helps to desensitize the child from anxiety associated with the teacher. This might even help “performance anxiety” when it comes test time
- reminding our children to use simple relaxation techniques. My child learned square breathing and box breathing in grade 1 and uses these techniques for 1 min before a test.
- Explain that tests and exams are a common source of stress for many students and that preparation is key to reduce anxiety and improve performance
Homework and Assignments
School stress doesn’t end unfortunately when the bell rings at 3. Homework and assignments can affect all kids, especially if a child has a teacher who tends to give a lot of assignments. Even smaller amounts of homework can be hard for some students if the subject matter is difficult for them.
For the elementary school that my children went to, we were lucky that only in one grade (grade 4 if I remember) was there any homework of any significance. It was quite a bit often 60-90 min a day. But, in all the other years, there was literally no homework at all.
Some classmates, in the same school, weren’t as lucky and would have multiple years in elementary school with lots of homework. I suppose it preps them for homework at high school, but in reality my kids had no problems adapting to more work at high school.
It’s not just quantity either.
Kids may also stress from homework and assignments commonly if:
- limited time to complete tasks, perhaps due to more extracurricular activities
- poor time management. Sometimes video games come first for a few hours and then its close to bed time by the time homework comes out
- lack of home guidance and extra help when needed
- distractions and interruptions at home
- homework and assignments that are out of sync with a child’s developmental level
How to Reduce Stress from Homework and Assignments
One of the best techniques that I brought into my kids toolbox was the Pomodromo technique. The most simplified version was to set a 20 min timer, and no matter what, take a timed 5 min break when that time was up. In the early years, we would find that this isolated, distraction-free block of time was enough to get the homework done most nights. We were lucky enough that often 2 of these would cut it. It’s a great way to teach the opposite of multi-tasking.
Prioritization of tasks can help, and asking your child: “If you could only complete one task for homework, which would you think is most important?” S
Larger assignments could be broken down into smaller and simpler steps. Studying for a final term math test might seem overwhelming, but if there is adequate days before the test, you could tackle one area eg fractions and then choose to do the next step another day.
With our tech-focused kids, we could bring in apps that help kids:
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Quizlet: This app allows students to create flashcards, quizzes, and study games based on their course material. It also utilizes spaced repetition to reinforce learning and has a vast library of user-generated content that can be accessed for free.
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Anki: Anki is a powerful flashcard app that uses spaced repetition to help users memorize information efficiently. It is highly customizable and can be used for a wide range of subjects.
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Khan Academy: Khan Academy is a popular online learning platform that offers free video tutorials, exercises, and assessments in various subjects. It covers everything from math to science, humanities to economics, and more.
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Duolingo: Duolingo is a language-learning app that uses gamification to make the process of learning a new language more fun and engaging. It has a range of languages available and can be used for both beginners and advanced learners.
Reducing Stress Overall
Some of the tips I found helpful and shared in the article parenting stress also apply here, but the most important likely comes from the popular Stoicism philosphy.
“Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.” This means that true happiness and satisfaction come from the effort we put into the things we can control, rather than just the end result.
For example, when preparing for a test, we can control how we study and prepare for it. If we put in the effort to study in a calm and scheduled manner, instead of cramming the night before, we can take pride in our preparation and the actions we took to get there.
The grade we receive on the test is a bonus, but the real satisfaction comes from knowing that we did everything we could to prepare and put our best foot forward.
So, when we teach our children to focus on the things they can control, such as their own actions and efforts, rather than the things they can’t control, like the test questions, final result, or other people’s opinions, they can find joy and satisfaction in their own accomplishments. And that’s something that no one can take away from them.
Conclusions
School stress affects kids from a very young age and continues through high school. Parents often either push their children hard to excel in activities and school or worry about putting too much on their plate.
School stress can come from various sources, including grades, adapting to new environments, exam stress, changing relationships, washroom anxiety, bullying, and trying to make sports teams.
Tests and exams are usually a significant source of stress for most kids, and parents can help by encouraging them to study in short periods, use flashcards, eliminate distractions, discuss with teachers, and use relaxation techniques.
Homework and assignments can also be a source of stress, and parents can help by teaching good time management, providing home guidance, and using techniques like the Pomodromo technique.
Most importantly, focusing on working on things within our sphere of control, and recognizing what is not, can help to banish school stress.
Ultimately, it’s essential to recognize that school stress is a significant issue and that parents can play a vital role in helping their children navigate through it.